Dear Asian RA on 3rd floor,

I'm so sorry to have contributed to your distress this past Friday.  I know excuses are annoying but I feel like I should explain.  You see, I'm very unstable and on the brink of insanity.  My inability to speak seriously to people about it leaves me with the option of self-medication.  So basically I become belligerently drunk whenever I get the chance (unless I'm in a very good place (mentally) at the moment).  My instability eventually caused an eating disorder to develop.  Sadly I am too weak to simply not eat so for a long time I was bulimic.  Bulimia wasn't cutting it though:  I didn't lose much; it was hard to hide; I couldn't always purge in time; etc.  So when my brother told me he had Ritalin, I snatched at the opportunity.  The night I saw you, I had been without Ritalin for a week and had gained an unsightly amount of weight.  I was utterly desperate.

At first I thought you were an uber bitch, but now I realize you were just doing your job to keep us safe and out of trouble.  I thank you greatly for not writing me up and I promise to try my hardest to not be a problem in the future.